Okay, here's the thing.
I love you. I really, really love you. I want nothing more than to hold your perfect hand and kiss your perfect lips. I feel like I'll die if I can't touch your beautiful skin.
My heart breaks when you're upset. I just want to buy you some flowers and chocolate, then teleport myself to your doorstep. After that, we would cuddle on your bed and talk about life.
I would do anything to make you happy.
So, I spent today planning some stuff out.
In February, I'll be turning fifteen. This will also be my third year without talking. On February 15th, 2012, I will talk. I guarantee, I will do as much as I can to get there. But it won't be for me, it won't be for my family, it will be for you. I feel this would make you happy, at least for a minute.
As soon as possible, after talking, I will get a job. I'll be fifteen, so I will be able to get one.
When I get enough money, I'll ask my parents about going to Ohio. I could pay for the gas, or even plane tickets. I expect Josh will have his license by summer.
After that, well... endless cuddles.
Oh, Kathryn. I don't need you to have a specific date for talking. Like I said, I don't care if you come here and don't even speak a word to me. I love you for who you are, and I can deal with your anxieties just as well in person.
ReplyDeleteBut more importantly, I don't want you to have a specific date if you are not ready for it. I mean, you have to be able to talk to yourself before you go around attempting to talk to people. I do not want you to get hurt over this when it can be prevented.
It takes time, and we will get through it eventually. I promise.
I love you.
I think having a specific date should help me. I stopped on February 15th, so it would make sense to start on February 15th. Having a specific date helps goals and stuff. yeah.
DeleteThe thing is though, I have to talk to be able to ask about going there.
I think I can make it by February. I've been overcoming some little things lately, actually. I almost ate meat in front of my siblings yesterday, when that's something I can't do from anxiety.